Females, Zombies, and Guns
by kirki101
Summary: Don't you hate it when Richtofen's teleporter takes you 50 years in the past? Enter Kasandra Sparks-nicknamed Kirki, affectionately-as she battles the zombies that have taken over the world, and the demons inside her own mind. -Revised and rebooted as of July 17, 2013.


**Oh, hello friends. You thought this story was abandoned? Well yes, it most certainly was, but now it is revised and totally not crappy. I swear.**

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><p>Dempsey was sure it wasn't a zombie. Of course, almost everything that moved was a zombie. If not a zombie, then one of the idiots that the world would be better off without, anyway. But there was something about the way it moved…it wasn't drenched in blood, either…<p>

Richtofen was getting impatient. "Just shoot it already! Do you not want to rest before the next wave of them?"

"Can it, you psycho Nazi," Dempsey said. He was staring intently down the scope of his WA2000. They were standing in the Doctor's quarters in Shi No Numa, and had just finished massacring another wave of Richtofen's fucked up science experiments. "I'm not shooting it until it turns around."

Takeo looked up and added, "There is no honor in shooting an enemy that does not see you."

Nikolai took another swig of vodka. "Who cares about honor? Just put it out of its misery so I can go drink some of that jugger stuff."

Dempsey gritted his teeth. "Fine." His finger was squeezing the trigger right as the figure spun around.

Dempsey jumped back and dropped the sniper rifle. "Holy shit! That's not a zombie."

Richtofen looked at the American incredulously. "Oh? Then what is it?" Without waiting for an answer, he looked down the scope of his G11. His eyes widened.

"What do you see? I just have a shotgun without a scope!" Nikolai pouted.

Takeo looked confused. "Do any shotguns have scopes?"

Nikolai was irritated. "No... Maybe. I don't know." He strained to see what had left the American and German dumbfounded. "Is it a dragon?"

"No, you idiot." Dempsey had recovered. "For the last time, I said dragonov. Not dragon!"

"Then what is it?" The Russian asked impatiently.

Richtofen was horror struck. "It...It's a...woman." The group gasped.

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><p>I squinted, wondering if there were really people up there, or if I was going even crazier. Still, I cleared my throat and shouted, "Ummm… Hello, there." The four men that I could barely see ducked down behind a wall. They were standing on a zip line platform. I frowned, hoping they weren't the "shoot first" types.<p>

Suddenly, I heard a very delicate clicking from their location. Then, I dodged a live frag grenade with a yelp. "What the hell?" Well, at least grenades can be avoided. Bullets…not so much, if my enemies were any judge of it.

Hushed and slightly panicked voices echoed through the air. I rolled my eyes. "You guys act like you've never seen a lady waking through the swamp before."

The murmurs stopped. A thick German accented voice reached me from above. "What are you doing here?"

I chuckled, messing with the barrel of my Galil. "I'm not entirely sure." I took a step forward and continued. "You promise not to shoot me if I come up there?"

They consulted each other briefly, then reluctantly stood from their hiding place behind the wall to the two story building. I waved disarmingly, thinking about the best way to reach cover if they took an offensive approach.

The German was obviously the head of this organization. Whatever that meant. He was the only one of the four that looked hostile. The others were either curious, or apathetic about the fact that I had stumbled in out of nowhere.

I scratched my head self-consciously, disrupting a few of the strands in my high pony tail. My sudden movement made the leader pop out an old six shooter. I rose my eyebrows and lifted my hands in surrender. Damn. These guys were jumpier than a crowd of grasshoppers in the summer.

"Don't move or I'll put a bullet through your pretty blonde head." He said pleasantly.

The guy standing to his right scowled and slapped his python down. "Richtofen, leave her the fuck alone." He aimed a cocky smile at me. I nodded my appreciation.

He appeared to be American, like me. The other two men watched our exchange warily.

Richtofen was glaring at the American who'd defended me. "I don't think I addressed you Dempsey." His voice was coated with loathing.

Dempsey rolled his eyes. "Get off your high fuckin' horse, Richtofen. It's your fault this is all happening, and I'll be damned if I let you kill the only other living being we've seen since this shit happened."

Richtofen was about to reply when I saw movement to the right of the Asian guy. It was another wave of zombies.

I quickly looked down the sights on my custom camo Galil and fired at the zombie leading the attack. The four men glanced over, eyes wide and gaped at my shot. Dempsey looked at Richtofen triumphantly. "And she just saved Takeo's life. Do you know how hard it would be to replace an Asian with vision as good as his?"

I sighed at his lack of political correctness, and reloaded my beloved assault rifle. "With all due respect, boys," I said, keeping my eyes peeled for more maggot sacks, "We can talk about this later. Right now, let's focus on killing shit."

Dempsey shook his head at Richtofen, as if to say look what you almost did.

I took the flight of stairs that led to them two at a time. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen real people that weren't infected with 115. But, then, I also couldn't remember a whole lot of anything. About how I got here, I mean. I was just sitting in my dorm at UNT, considering studying for a history test I had the next morning, when a flash of blue brought me to a place that I later found out was called Nacht Der Untoten.

You would think that I would have died immediately, having never had to actively defend myself from an attacker, let alone a horde of zombies. But I grew up on a farm with a .22 shotgun stuck permanently to my hand, so naturally, it wasn't difficult to apply that training to zombie-slaying.

I'd always had a fascination with any kind of gun. Especially assault rifles. Sadly, though, the farm life was normally restricted to shotguns. Which was okay, I guess. Couldn't kill a rattlesnake with an M16.

Nevertheless, I had still studied up on all kinds of weapons. Melee weapons, machine guns, grenades. I'd even considered joining the military for a while before I graduated high school, but my mother said I needed to be educated. Which was fair, I suppose. There are far too many stupid people in our world as it is.

Even more so nowadays, it would seem.

I paused to whack a zombie in the face with my bowie knife. Bowie knives had always had a special place in my heart. I think it had something to do with the fact that James Bowie had died at the Alamo, and I was bubbling full of Texas pride. Or maybe it was just easy to sharpen. Both were applicable reasons.

Dempsey gave me an easy smile as I launched a semtex at a particularly large group of them. "Glad to have you on board. This place needs a- feminine touch."

I laughed. "Seems like it. How long's it been since you guys ate a good sammich?"

He chuckled as he fired a few rounds of his AK74u into a group of them. "I think havin' you around will be much more interesting than watching Nikolai guzzle vodka."

"Oh, you can count on it." Then, we went silent as we disposed of a bunch of corpses that would have been better off staying in their graves.

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><p><strong>Revisions are always good, right? Well I made some. Expect an update soon. If I don't update, just pester me until I do, okay?<strong>


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